Topless carpenters were a hot commodity Friday night for the Frostbite Film Festival fundraiser, a family-friendly frolic focused on furthering future functions for our local ski patrol at Ferguson Ridge, the community ice skating rink in Enterprise and the county’s Nordic Club.

Dinner was a banquet of tri-tip so good it was more like quad-tip, with roasted tubers, crispy greens infused with vinnaigreatness, golden-brown rolls squirting a wheaty bouquet of rapture and piles of brownies that caused scuffles once the serving platters began to run low. I had to throw my fork down several times, unable to take in one more morsel until my taste buds had finished passing out awards for the last bite.

The silent auction table was not going to blow away, so weighted down was it with works by local artists and cool outdoor gear.

Our river guide/rancher friend Craig Nichols was running the not-so silent auction, and he did wonders with parting people from their funds without them minding a bit. What you see there is a pictorial image of Craig finding a new home for this year’s ski chair, which, incidentally, was built by Winding Waters’ CEO and chair sculptor Paul Arentsen.

But back to those shirtless carpenters. They volunteered a half-day’s worth of construction expertise, and the bidding was fierce. Jeff Irish brought two-hundred and some-odd dollars. Mr. Fergi himself Charlie Kissinger, also Jeff’s boss, rose and announced he’d gladly pay that sum to see an employee of his do half a day’s work. Rusty Hogue also brought in a tidy two hundred dollar-ish sum. Then Brian Oliver started showing off by doing more pushups than most people can, and he brought over three-hundred bucks, my sources say.

I should know the exact figures, because I was there -- but I admit: I was distracted. I was talking to folks in the back of the room I hadn’t seen for a good long while. Good folks. And they were out in force to have a good time supporting their ski hill, their skating rink and the cross-country trails they head to for having good times.

The Winding Waters ‘Sledding Zone’ adventure classic was part of the film lineup. You can see it here on the Gearboat page if you haven’t already, posted a few weeks ago.

There was a short feature made by local young skier gals, and a very cool segment from ‘Skiing In the Shadow of Genghis Khan,’ with homemade skis, using a rudder stick instead of poles.
‘White Crossing’ was the main attraction of the night, filmed almost fifty years ago during a trek on skis from the head of Wallowa Lake, up and over the mountains to Cornucupia. Harold Klages narrated the silent film Friday night, and Paul recorded the audio to dub onto DVD. It has the best footage of a snowcave collapsing I’ve ever seen. I’ll post links if and when the finished product hits this internet contraption I keep hearing about.

Craig the auctioneer had a talk with his cows and let them know he’s going to be away for a bit this summer, running Hells Canyon with Winding Waters River Expeditions. And while I do take it personally if someone jumps ship from my raft, I’ll allow it on a limited basis just so you can experience running a rapid with this Nichols guy. When the water gets exciting I hear he will sometimes slip into auctioneer-speak, and it sounds something like this:

“Next item is a Class-IV rapid, folks, and she’s a beauty . . . Granite Rapid by name and the jewel of the Snake River, with a wall of water in the Green Room you just don’t find on most rivers -- let’s start the rowing at fifty feet from the giant drop, do I hear fifty, fifty...a little more to the right, to the right, to the right, now twenty-five feet, twenty...ten...hold on and here we go....” Then he slams his oar handles down to get the blades out of the water, a lot like an auctioneer gavel coming down and the raft slips over the lip, sold to a raft full of lucky bidders, going on a ride you just can’t put a price on.

I went to a lecture last week by Charles Shields, biographer of Harper Lee who wrote To Kill A Mockingbird. I consider that book as likely the finest collection of words put next to one another I’ve ever come across, so I was keen to hear what this Shields had to say. And here’s one comment of his I’ve been turning over:

Shields put forward a theory as to why Mockingbird enjoys such popularity. The book asks a question, he figures. A moral one. As in, would you defend Tom Robinson, as Atticus does, when the town doesn’t want you to? Would you have the mojo to go against generations of ‘that’s just the way it is’ when that way isn’t right?

Dr. King has a lot of folks thinking that over this week. And as I started to write a newspaper column about a guy I know that works in Haiti, that question by Shields popped back up and I realized here is a person, Brian Concannon, who definitely answers yes, on a regular basis, and has been for years.

Brian and Marcy are friends of ours that live in Joseph. They lived and worked in Haiti before settling down here in the Wallowas. Brian was in Haiti as a human rights attorney and Marcy . . . I can’t remember now. I want to say community development. Health? I don’t know. And I’m not going to call and ask. Let’s just say she was doing good work, because I know that to be true. I emailed and called them when I was trying to write my column for the paper and just felt bad to be bothering them. They’re waiting for the phone to ring with news of Haitian friends and co-workers in the rubble. Brian’s busy, doing interviews and I can’t even guess what all, trying to make sense or sort out or fix tragedy and chaos from 3,200 miles away.

After the military coup in Haiti in 2004, Brian didn’t throw in the towel, he got all Atticus Finch and started up The Institute for Justice and Democracy in Haiti, with offices in little ol’ Joseph, Oregon. And that’s the last I’m going to compliment the guy for now. It’s just not the time.

I’ll cut to the chase. I trust this guy and here’s a list of relief organizations he trusts, if you’re looking for a reputable outfit to make a contribution to:

Partners In Health.

Haiti Emergency Relief Fund.

The What If? Foundation.

And here are some links if you’d like to learn more about Haiti beyond the earthquake. This Brian Concannon guy has important things to say. They’re not always comfortable. That’s why they’re important.

The Institute for Democracy and Justice in Haiti website is: www.ijdh.org. Read that message at the top. It's worth doing.

“Working with the Haitian Government,” is a recent article in Counterpunch.

“Change Haiti Can Believe In,” by Concannon and Paul Farmer, of Partners in Health, is sobering.

And here's video of a panel discussion on the same topic.



I’ll get back to good times on the river next time around on these Gearboat Chronicles. But, you know, serious conversations are part of the good times on the river. I’ve had many interesting discussions with lots of interesting folks on my boat where we get into a subject – get interrupted by a raging rapid – then pick up where we left off once the water smooths out again. Sometimes the topic gets picked up again after dinner around the campfire. Sometimes it carries over into the next day on the raft. Sometimes I’m still thinking about it months later. These issues Brian Concannon writes about I’ll be thinking of months later.

Thanks for reading.

Cabin fever is a well-documented disorder. Treatments include the board game Monopoly. The card game Solitaire. Quilting. Whittling. Shooting rampages. That sort of thing.

County Fever is an almost identical ailment, just on a larger scale. Victims show signs that may include staring at travel brochures, muttering, and facial tics. “Getting out,” is a phrase to listen for when diagnosing County Fever.

Wallowa County is an absolutely wonderful place to live, any time of the year. Except perhaps January. Also February. And early parts of March. Sometimes April. And the first week or two of May, depending on weather.

Don’t listen to me. I’m in the grip of fever as I type these words. It takes over. Fools with your mind. Makes you do crazy things. Things like wear Hawaiian shirts when it’s cold out. Makes you go online to see if someone with a timeshare bungalow in Tahiti wants to trade for a cabin the Wallowas, just for a week or two.

There are remedies. You need to be active. You need to stir. Go skiing. Upgrade your Netflix plan. Or race down Main Street in Joseph pushing someone inside a water trough. Run almost naked through downtown at night while it’s cold and snowy outside. Slide on rails atop skis or snowboards after jumping out of the bucket of a tractor.

Here, then, is videotaped footage of Winterfest activities held in Joseph last weekend. Winding Waters River Expeditions, being in the business of having fun, is recognized as an authority on how to enjoy oneself under any conditions, so we were asked by several international research teams to document Wallowa Countians converging to make merry and beat back early onset of County Fever. We want to share this video, because if the treatment plans in here can help just one person and keep them from turning a game of solitaire into 52 card pickup, it will have been worth it.

Dog sled races are coming up this weekend. That’s heavy duty diversion.

So until next time, this has been your Winding Waters public service announcement on how to combat the double-scourge of both County and Cabin Fever. So stay warm, drink lots of fluids and keep active. Spring is on the way. It’s a long way. Way, way away. But still, a way.

It’s a new year, time for a clean slate and all that. One of the resolutions at the top of my list is to address persistent rumors that Winding Waters Rafting harbors movie stars.

You may have been watching the new Winding Waters youtube sledding movie we posted last week, thinking to yourself . . . this doesn’t have the feel of a homemade, patchy movie taken on a cheap camera Paul ordered online . . . nay, this seems almost too professional. These people are no strangers to cinema.

“Morgan Jenkins,” as he claims to be called, often seems uncomfortable when it’s pointed out that he bears a striking resemblance to Zach Galifianakas, star of such films as ‘Out Cold’ and ‘The Hangover.’ He acts so aloof that some wonder if he might prefer the subject to be changed, almost as if he’s hiding something that is now being spoken of and he really is Zach Galifianakas and not a character known as “Jenkins” who pretends to be a world-class river guide who enjoys summers in Hells Canyon, navigating whitewater rapids as a break from Hollywood. Hmm.

Likewise, many guests have pointed out how they’re reminded of the movie, ‘The Matrix,’ specifically Agent Smith, whenever Winding Waters owner Paul Arentsen walks by.

And Patrick Baird, our rising star of a gearboatman, has on more than one occasion had his hairdo likened to Hermey, the elf who wants to be a dentist in the holiday stop motion epic, ‘Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.’

I’m not saying that Morgan, Paul and Patrick are really Zach, Smith and Hermey. I’m not saying the pressure and stress of the entertainment business, or ‘biz,’ as I’ve heard them call it, have driven them to a double-life where they retreat to the river wilderness come summer time, choosing to live on the river and retreat from fame and fortune . . . matching their skills against Class IV rapids on the Salmon, Snake and Grande Ronde rivers.

I’m not saying that. Because their contracts would prevent me from divulging such information.

So I’ll leave it to you. To dispel these rumors, I’ve taken the only appropriate course and will post pictures of all personalities mentioned, letting you decide.

So enjoy this series of “Match the River Guide to the Movie Star They Look Just Like” and you be the judge. And we’ll see you on the river. And maybe the big screen.

How likely is it that Hugo Weaving, who plays Agent Smith in ‘The Matrix,’ would simultaneously be running a whitewater rafting company in Oregon? Hard to say.

Mr. Weaving also starred in ‘The Lord of the Rings,’ among many other fine films.

“Paul Arentsen”’s business partner, “Morgan Jenkins” has been called an authority on hobbits, which some theorize as proof of the Hollywood connection between these two alleged rafting guides.

You be the judge.

‘Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer’ was made in the 1960’s and Patrick Baird claims to be a college freshman, so the dates appear to conflict. But the hair is sometimes a little too close to discount the connection.

(note: fringe theories exist that Morgan Jenkins also played the role of “Yukon Cornelius,” the bearded miner who battles the Abominable Snowman in “Rudolph.” Morgan refused comment on the allegation.)

Finally, here is a rare photo of what is thought to be Hermey the Dentist Elf and Zach Galifianakas on the set of a new movie, titled, “Matrix Hobbits Reloaded: Rudolph’s Revenge.” Due in theatres this summer.